Wednesday, August 10, 2011

16 weeks.

I'm sixteen weeks pregnant, have a huge firm belly that looks like i've been drinking waaaay to much beer and i'm triggered.

First 3 months of being pregnant was bliss (in a fucked up way). I was so sick and tired and lacking of any energy I couldn't keep down any food and the thought of everything i loved made me dry reach.
I don't know how much i lost in that period, I hadn't weighed myself since I moved out (over like 4 months). But everyone started commenting, 'omg honey you look waaaay to skinny, like sickly, you have no thighs! (my problem area) are you eating? you look so sick" Of course i loved that. I didn't see it at all, but i did feel certainly.. lighter.

THEN, as soon as week 12 passed, i've been disregarding any sane thoughts and have been pigging out to the extreme. Hungry jacks, McDonalds, fat fat fatty foods! My appetite is outrageously out of hand and i need to eat every 20 minutes.

A week ago I saw myself in the mirror and definitely knew I had gained, i felt so guilty, so ashamed! I just thought 'That's it, i'm getting my fat ass into gear, It's time to restrict to the EXTREME!' I put it off until yesterday, i had my first ante-natal appointment. They weighed me.
52 kilos on the dot.

That's what i was before i was pregnant. WHICH MEANS, if i've gained weight, i have to have at least been in the 40's! You have no idea how triggering that thought is for me, it's like a drive! I feel like i was in an acceptable weight range for once in the last 5 years! I can do it, if i've been there already i can get there again! I can't, not yet anyway.

Only ... 20 something more weeks to go, pop the baby out, and FAST FAST FAST. I'll get back there again, i'll be a yummy mummy (lmao) I'll be one of those 19 year old mums that everyone sees and is jealous of how fast they lost their baby weight.

I'm actually excited for the challenge, i don't feel hopeless, funnily enough.
Just very very motivated and driven.

My sanity has kicked in though, no more shit food, it's time to hold myself responsible, i will not be like the average woman and gain like 15-20 kg during a pregnancy, I will only allow for a max of 11. 

Why let myself go and make it harder to lose the weight when i eventually give birth.

How is everyone? Miss you guys heaps! Sorry i haven't posted, been so... not in the right frame of mind.


  1. Oh my God. You have a lot going on. It's definitely okay to get bigger if you're pregnant. Ohhh, I'm so excited for you. I mean, I'm not sure how you feel about having a baby. But I would love one. Actually, I would love it if one of my siblings did so I could play with it.
    Now, you have to focus on making a healthy baby. Low birth weight babies have so many health problems :(. So eat lots!!! Forget weight until after baby is born, and then you can lose all you want.
    Ohhh, I look forward to reading more about your journey, gorgeous girl!

  2. It's okay to get bigger whilst pregnant. The little baby needs the nutrients. You can always drop the weight once you have had the little thing
    Having a baby... It's so cute. I think you should only gain around 18lbs when pregnant though. I think 18lbs or just over 20 so around 11kgs max? Unless you are already underweight.