Sunday, January 30, 2011


So it's 39 degrees Celsius which is 102 Fahrenheit i believe. It's really hot. I didn't do Zumba yesterday, feeling quite guilty, but it's too hot to do it and my bungalow doesn't have AC so it's almost like an oven in there.

Don't you hate it when someone with a private numbers calls you and you miss it? Yeah just happened, i'm doing the dishes (blergh) with the music on really loud and i missed a call. AND i bet it was probably something important, like the RTA (Vicroads) or the person who is supposed to call me today to answer any questions i may have about the retail traineeship i was offered.

Oh well, HOPEFULLY they will call back. We shall see.

So, i'm in the process of cleaning, mother in law is out today so im doing some household duties like dishes, washing, general cleaning. EVEN though i did the dishes yesterday. Grr.

So i haven't gained but i haven't lost anything! I never lose, never never never! I was 52.0 yesterday so i did lost a tiny incy bit, but I haven't seen past that weight for a long time. Maybe i need to get my ass into gear and do some kind of kick-off diet. I dont know...

So i have counselling a 2pm today, it's not 12 and i have no way of getting there. I would love to walk but I would come back cooked and looking like a permanent lobster, which doesn't sound all that appealing. I wish i could tan. Whenever i get fake tans I feel skinnier, and sexier. If only if I could get a real one.

I got a new dress yesterday, thankfully there is a chain of womens clothing shops here that have all sizes imaginable. - 'Supre' I don't know if anyone has it overseas though? They go all the way down to xxxs. I was in Valleygirl the other day, and i tried on a size 8 top and it was MASSIVE. I had to get a size 6. (I think that is size 2 ... in America? - IDK) But i'm no where a size 6, maybe a size 8 possibly.

My sister-in-law just turned 10 yesterday and she got a pair of fake jeans from a local store (which look really really cool) and i went to have a look at them and i thought i'd fit the biggest childrens size but i had to go two sizes smaller for it to fit. Clothes are sagging more and more and not fitting right anymore. It's irritating because i can't see the difference in my body.

ANYWAY sorry for the long post,

love you all and thanks for all your comments on my previous post (More are welcome though - I'm curious about what determines whether you are considered bulimic or not)

Thursday, January 27, 2011


So I never really considered myself bulimic at all, but i do purge a lot lately - after big meals or binges. I am doing over an hour of Zumba a day and then  20 minutes of my assorted workouts.
I am not losing any weight, i gained weight still. Is this because i'm gaining muscle? Or i am just stupid?

Anyway, i have a question (or a few) for people that identify themselves as Mia.
I can't purge by stuffing anything in my throat, i just... drink a shit tone of water in 10 seconds and it just comes out a mouthful at a time. (Sorry if this is graphic) How do most people induce vomiting?

Anyway, it takes FOREVER to get it all up, like 30 minutes? Is that normal for people? Does it take that long.

This isn't for any 'tips or tricks' , but i'm just curious to know.

I'm sorry if i offended anyone in any way by writing this post.


Anyway, take away was last night (hence my purging questions). I wasn't even HUNGRY but i ate an entire Red  Rooster chicken wrap thingy. I purged most of it up.

I was talking to my guy in bed last night and he was saying that he thinks about proposing to me regularly and it's something he wants to do reasonably soon. (I was telling him a story about one of my friends and how her and her partner would talk about getting married regularly, but he would never propose and she found out she he was really scared and couldn't admit it to her)

I'm feeling kind of tired, just worked today and have work tomorrow - Saturday ! Blergh, but money is always a good thing. I spent 8 dollars and got two covergirl powder foundations, a mascara, two lipsticks, tweezers, a nail file and candles! I know, best shop evaaa!!! times a million!

This is the shop i've been offered to do the traineeship at. I just got a Chanel bag and am eyeing off  a Jimmy Choo one atm.

Thanks for all the comments guys, it brightens up my day reading them and makes me feel special (So feel free to comment on this!)

Love you all

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Well i've been Zumba every day for almost a week now and my various PT exercises. It's a bit weird though because i've realised he more i do Zumba the less i sweat and i don't feel satisfied, i'm still giving it my all and trying harder with the moves but it just doesn't feel the same as it did when i started. I'm considering getting one of those really hard workouts like the insane one or P90 etc, i don't know really all that much about them, does anyone do any work out vids they can suggest?

What made me even ANGRIER is i barely eat all day and restrict at dinner so most days i have max 300-500 cals (and workout!) and i was at 52 kilos (WOOO) then i am yo-yoing from 52.4, 52.9, 53.1 i was getting so so angry!! Then out of the blue i got my period last night, so i'm really hoping that's the reason for the bizarre weight gain. I'm 5 days early so i wasn't expecting it at all.

So, i saw my counselor on Monday, we got into a big discussion about my life goals and potential careers.
I haven't had a goal or even a faint idea of what i want to do with my life, i don't know if i want to work, or want to study.  Actually, i do have ideas but there are too many of them!

It's like i'm at a crossroads, an intersection. I see all these paths (careers) i could go down. Instead of picking one i look down each path and all i see are the hurdles in front of me, like time, costs, people, stress etc. Eventually i realise each path has a shittonne of hurdles and i sit down and don't pick any.
It's really frustrating. I see the hurdles and then think 'Hrm, do i REALLY want to go down that road? I can over come the hurdles if i want to do it enough. But... do i REALLY want to do it?' It makes me rethink wether i have a real interest in those things or if it's just a faint liking in the subject.Anyway, counselor told me to come up with a list of things i enjoy/am good at doing. So here they are.

- IT -
I'm really good with computers, i could build/fix them which is really flexible as you can do that from home and be your own boss.

- Personal Training -
i am passionate about having a good looking body, the course is only a year long it's like 3 grand but in the end you can pick your own hours and own your own business (or work in a gym).

- Nutritionist -
I am obesssed with foods and calorie contents etc. But i know there is a lot more to it than that, like food allergies, stomach diseases, vitamins and minerals etc. And i'm pretty sure it's a 3 year degree.

- Writing -
Ever since grade 5 all my teachers have encouraged me to be a writer as i was always creative in that aspect and had fantastic writing skills (obviously not displayed in this blog lol) More so in creative writing or a journalism aspect. This i can also do from home and in my own time. However you aren't always guaranteed work unless you work for a newspaper and they pick what you have to write.

- Beauty -
All women want to look good. So it will always be a booming industry. A short course on waxing is 900 dollars and then im qualified to charge people 50 bucks for half an hour of waxing their legs. Or 600 for spray tanning  and that only takes 3 hours to become qualified. Or even make up etc. I can do all those things at home, or at their house or in a salon etc.

BUT then yesterday i got offered a retail traineeship, it's not something im passionate about but it's guaranteed work for a year, which is fantastic,  especially while my boy is on shitty apprentice wages for the next 3 years. So i was thinking maybe i go back to study once he's done?

I don't know.. it's all so difficult. Any advice? It would be VERY appreciated.
Thank you :)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Same thing happened today as yesterday. Didn't eat all day, I wasn't sure what we were having for dinner as we had take away last night so I was planning on eating as little aspossible. Because we had such a late dinner (8pm) by that time I was starving! They ended up orderin pizza for dinner so I went halves with my bf and got a supreme. I ate all 4 slices, barely any cheese though thankfully. I still felt like a fat cow none the less.
I tried to purge but I had to pick my sister up at a certain time, when we gt back I tried to purge what I could.
However I did two zumba work outs today and Billy blanks tae Bo cardio work out as well as 50 sit ups, 20 push ups, 50 leg lifts, 50 squats and I worked on my leg magi machine. Hopefully I burnt everything off just hating my flabiness ATM and it's getting me down.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I fail. I didn't eat all day because I knew we were having take out night at McDonalds.
I was planning on ordering a small fries and a soft serve ( i dip the chips in it) an only eating half of each and flushing it down with a diet coke. Only thing I got right was the die coke. I ordered a large mighty angus meal. WTF. Proba like a thousand calories.
So I'm sitting in my bathroom running to the scales and back purging. The worst thing about this- I don't feel guilty.
Urgh hope eeryone else has had a better day.
Much love x

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Finally, i lost the weight i gained over Christmas, I don't know if it was all to do with Christmas or my period.

I'm even below my pre-Christmas weight! I weighed in at 52.4 this morning, it's not much lower, but it's better than nothing! At the moment i've been just restricting all day and not eating anything, just liquids then at dinner i try to keep it under 300 calories (still having family dinners). So that's been proving to be helpful so far.

This morning i order some diet pills Detoxufree72, one of the bloggers i follow, Sarah, tried them out and she lost a few kilo,s so for 10 dollars i thought i'd give them a shot.

Things have been a bit unstable in the household. Last week my mother-in-law took an intervention order out on her husband (there had been a few violent incidents involving her and her other son). Each altercation was induced by alcohol though, that was the only trigger. The next night they made up. It made me so frustrated, i'd done so much and stressed all week about what she could do and she finally takes the plunge then hits rewind!

Urgh, i don't understand things, but my grandparents told me all i can do is sit back and say nothing and let them live their lives how they want to, i can live my life how i want to.

Desperately wanting to move outttt! So, so so bad. Once i get my inheritance i am applying for a loan and buying a house, freedom!

Also, i went to my job-seeking company yesterday and they applied for a (i explained how i was under so much stress and pressure atm) easy mundane low stress job (for the time being) as a pharmacy assistant!
Wish me luuuck!

I finally sent my letter off to apply for an exemption to get my license asap! So hopefully that turns out well too.

I hate waiting, but that's all i seem to do in life.

Hopefully i can update next time with better news!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

So, i officially fail! I've had no time to write in my blog, that and the fact that my computer isn't set up in the house and the only other 'family' one is taken ALL the time (blergh).

So yesterday i came back from my short holiday, my grandparents own a beach house on the coast and it is just so beautiful! A little limestone cottage, with lush green grass (and many spiders :c ).
I didn't end up even going for a swim at the beach, the weather was off and on the whole time and the fact that i gained like 2 full kilos didn't make me feel so flash hot either. 
It was relaxing anyway, we spend NYE up there, i went to some small family party and didn't do much else. 
I went up there with my bf, siblings and grandparents. 
We went on a 10m motor boat my cousin had made which was fabulous! We got to see the seals on this little island in the middle of the sea. They stunk, like... really really bad

Mostly i just relaxed, drank, and vsed my partner in chess (i kicked his ass every time). So pretty un-eventful, but peaceful.

We've come back to find that my partners mother wants to get a divorce! My partners dad has been really angry lately. It's only when he drinks too much beer (which is becoming quite frequent) he's had heart troubles and i dont think this heart medication is mixing well with all the alcohol! 

So that's pretty sad, but he can get violent towards everyone, so i figure, safety first! And theres no point staying with someone if you're not happy, and she's not, so yeah.

I'm so worried about my brother, he's going down the wrong path, ever since my dad died he's been smoking a shit tonne of pot (he's only 14 or 15?) stealing, lying, drinking so much booze and just hanging with the wrong crowd. It doesn't help that he's new gf is such a bad influence and his best friend got expelled from their private school for smoking weed and selling it. Great.

ALSO i neeeeeed need neeed to get my license! I'm just so desperate to be able to drive myself places and not be so dependent on everyone else.  I can't remember if i explained it in my previous posts, but in Australia we need to fill out log books of 120 hours of driving practice. If you don't fill it out you can't get your license. I completed mine but had left it at my father's house for him to sign off on the hours. Yeah well... i have no idea where it is and i have to apply for certain exemptions and it's taken well over 4 months now. I can't get a job if i don't have a license because the area i want to work in (Real Estate) a license is basically essential. 

So much stress ! Grrr.
I had a baby scare a week or so ago. I forgot a pill one night (but took it in the morning) I had been eating like a fat pig for 3 weeks and my sense of smell had gone strange, AND i was late for my period for over 5 days. I did pregnancy tests, both were negative, but i never have an appetite, and it was very ferocious as i was craving bizarre foods that were just weird. 

Anyway on my holiday i got a surpriseeee, it was annoying but good at the same time >.> I must have been over stressed with Christmas and NYE and just everything.

I'm really not impressed with the weight gain though, so it's 2pm and i've eaten nothing! (I'd fast but dinner is lurking and i can't get out of that one so easily) So i'll see if i can restrict as much as possible! Need to be slim.

On my holiday i saw heaps of girls in bikinis parading around the beach. I asked my sister who i looked the most similar to in body shape, she picked one out and i almsost threw up. She was sooo chubby! I said 'omg i must be so fat then...' and my sister was like .. 'Um you're not fat at all and neither is she, you tard!'
I didn't see it that way though. My sister is only 13 but she's an inch taller than me and weighs 52 ( i weigh almost 54 as of this morning) but she looks so much tinier than me, i don't know if it's all in my head or not, i can fit the same clothes as her, but her figure just seems soooo... far way.

ANYWAY sorry for the extremely long post but i figured i should keep you updated.

BTW I'm on the hunt for some good diet pills (or anything to assist in weight loss) If anyone has any kind of advice or suggestions, PLEASE, i'm in desperate need!