Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Minor Binge!

So it's my 'time of the month' and i'm bloating and i had a minor binge last night. I never usually binge, ever! 
I wasn't even hungry last night but i decided i needed a slice of fairy bread, 6 barbecue Shapes - biscuits, AND 5 tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk and a plain biscuit.
My calorie intake for yesterday was only at 150 and now it's at 400. I suppose that's fine considering it's still under 500 calories WITH a binge, so i can't complain too much.
I use Calorieking to count my calories, sometimes i think that the calories CAN'T be that little because i get so full, maybe it's incorrect? It couldn't be though. However, it counts the total taking off what i exercised. I don't exercise much though.

It's 11:01am Wednesday morning. My partner's brother asked if i wanted a HOTDOG for breakfast and i said YES!? And i'm eating it, i'm not even hungry still! This period needs to end NOW! I'm never usually this stupid.

Will update later 

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Beginning

Well it's not really the beginning since i've been like this for quite some time now, however i've worked up the courage to write my own blog instead of just following others.

I just don't think my life is really that interesting enough to create a blog, i don't work or study (atm). 
Anyway, i live in Melbourne, Australia and we are on our summer holidays. 

To get this started, you may (or may not) want to know - I have no friends. I live with my boyfriend and his family and have been doing so for the last 15 months. 

I'm 18 years old.

I've had body issues for my entire life, but this has only escalated into an eating disordered lifestyle about two years ago.

I was always a skinny girl up until year 9, i was 45 kilos - without trying. Even back then i was ashamed of my body and thought i was too big. I hit puberty early, like 8 years old, and grew boobs and hips by the time i was 10. All the girls criticized me and told everyone i 'stuffed my bra' lol! 

In year 9 i became sexually active and needed birth control so i got the implant - 'implanon'. I gained sooo much weight right up 75 kilos. It wasn't for awhile after that i realised i was fat. I thought i was still sexy and there was nothing wrong with me. Until one day it just clicked, i was obese!

It began with wallowing in my own fatness, i ate a footlong from subway a day (because i thought that might help) and nothing else. I ate that for a month and my weight didn't budge. I started running at night time (the mean name calling wasn't too bad when no one could see you) i was only losing maybe a kilo a week - if that.

The process was too slow for me. I was complaining to one of my boyfriends friend's about the slow progress. He simply said 'Why don't you just.. not eat?' 

It sparked such an idea in my mind. At first i thought 'hahaha not eat, asif you NEED to eat to live' and it just grew and grew in my mind until i realised the idea didn't seem so crazy afterall!

I started counting calories, every day would go like this -
Breakfast - None
Lunch - Half a tin of tomato soup - 60 cal
Lunch - A piece of wheat bread  - 80 cal
Dinner - If it was a family dinner only picked out veggies and a few bites of protein
Snack - One rice cake with  low fat processed cheese slice - 80 cal

I ate that every day for about 3 weeks and lost 10 kilos.

I realised i didn't need to be fat, i could be perfect and skinny - it all went down hill from there.

Anyway, you have a little about me, hope you might want to follow my blog.

Bye for now.