haaai!

Back! Again.


I feel as though as soon as I feel i'm motivated to start posting more frequently i disappear back into my (fat) shadows. 
I have been doing extremely ordinary. Which of course, isn't good enough. I've been eating like a ravenous starved bear that has just come out of hibernation, (minus the starved part and add chubbiness). 


I feel as though i've been swallowed into a pit of quicksand and only the top of my head is visible. No will to get out, just to sink further into it's depths. 
I haven't gained any weight, so i can't complain, but it's been like a month or so since i've lost anything. I've tried all sorts of things. 
- Eating under 500 cal
- Eating over 500 cal
- Exercising
- No exercising
- Stuffing my face like theres no tomorrow
- Fasting like a cool cat


NOTHING has worked.


Everything feels so pointless. Hmph. 


I was so glad i passed my hazards a week or so ago, but my final driving test is in two weeks from today. Scared, nervous? Yes i am. Shit scared. 
Obtaining my license is like a pass for freedom. I can drive where i want, when i want. I can conveniently drive away when meal times lurk. Hrm. 


My bf and I are thinking of moving out. My grandparents own a place only about 15 minutes from where i'm living currently.
It's vacant, it's roomy, it's private - it's perfect. 
We don't have to pay board, just help around the property (it's 18 acres). Which is totally easy as any excuse to wander around a gigantic property and lose some cellulite is FINE by me.
Also i'll be making my own veggie patch! Totally looking forward to that! I've never really gardened before, but i really need more hobbies.


ANYWAY so that'll be fantastic. Only 1 catch! :(


We need to tell his parents.
His mum is like.... very fond of me, and of course her son. So I don't want her to feel as though i'm taking him away or splitting apart her family. This is something BOTH of us want to do, completely mutually. 
She's so attached to both of us, we drive her everywhere, she won't do the shopping without us. 
So this is a really big problem.


She was also diagnosed with depression recently, so I know she's going to play that card and try to make us feel guilty.
I just feel as though i have no space here, there is no room for me to just lounge on the couch or even any space for me to pick up a hobby. 
ALSO, i will be able to make my OWN meals if i moved out. Which I desperately need to do.


Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Or what did you say to your parents when you first moved out?


xx Miss you all !