Pregnant.

I found out Sunday.
I hate food.
I morally could not terminate it, or give it up.
:(  I'm keeping it.

I feel like, a drop-kick 19 year old who managed to get herself pregnant.
People are going to judge me. Lame.

Bright

I'm feeling extremely supurb! It's 12:00pm and this is my 3rd day of eating nothing. On Sunday night i felt extremely bloated and disgusting i told myself then and there i was fasting for minimum 3 days.  I've been doing Zumba each day AND i have a new work out video which is so fabulous! Kickboxing for dummies. Apparently doing the work out you can burn up to 700 calories. I broke a river of sweat last night while I did that.

ATM i'm babysitting my siblings for an entire week while my grandparents are overseas. It's great, i give myself the smallest of portions and then when no one is looking i throw the food onto my sisters plate (she knows i'm on a fast).

I just went for a job interview at Bakers Delight (lol) I think i did reasonably well and i have a trial on Monday.
Life is good right now. :)

Hope all you ladies are doing well too

xx

I hate Sundays!

Sundays remind me of when i used to go to school, i'd get this feeling of dread and felt sick.

Fortunately, I don't have school tomorrow, but i have no work either :( Which is really beginning to make me depressed.
Over the last few days i've been noticing my stomach has been .. getting bigger. I'm late for my period but you can't be 'showing' within a month. So the final outcome is IM A FAT BUSHPIG :(

So i just got my Zumba back and am trying out Jillian Michael's 30 day shred.

Urgh i really really want to love sushi. It's so good for you and i just can't eat it. So i got some veggie ones and am forcing myself to eat it.

So i wake up in the morning..

and run down to 7/11 and get some sugar free Red Bulls!
My sister stayed over last night and wanted pizza, so we shared a veggie one. She offered me some this morning. It was SO hard to say no. I love pizza. I just waited till i got some energy drinks!
I've dropped her off to school and am just bummin around sipping my drinks while my hands are about to fall off  from the cooold!

I made the best purchase last week, I invested in a pair of gorgeous panda mittens! They are the best for these cold icy mornings. Especially when i'm driving places! I feel as though i can't steer properly and my fingers will snap :/

So it's Friday (lol reminded of that Rebecca Black song.. ew) and my man get's an early finish today! His in carpentry and his boss is going away for the weekend, so they started earlier at like 6 and he finishes at 11:30, WOO! Cept i have counselling at 12:00pm, and i CBF! It's just annoying, I usually have it on Monday's but i had no petrol and had to postpone until today. Waaahhh.

OBTW Check out my Tumblr! It's not a weight loss one, but i might make one soon. It's more just a collection of photo's i particularly like.
http://smallasapanda.tumblr.com/ 


Have a lovely day ladies <3
xxx

Not to mimic one of the best blogs ever (Zette) but i just found this photo, chunky legs on the left and tiny on the right.

x

Back,, again!

I'M BACK!

I haven't posted for a very very long time. Finally, I have time and room to myself. I moved out with my bf to this beautiful farm just 5 minutes from the CBD of my suburb. (It's not rural at all though).


It's fantastic, apart from the price of petrol...


I can completely dictate what i want to eat (most of the time! :@), as my bf still demands i eat dinner. I give him bigger bowls or bigger plates and give myself smaller dishes with smaller servings or just stacked with healthier things. 


I didn't bring my scales with me, however, I don't think i've lost any weight yet. I want to get down to 45 so badly. Hopefully i haven't gained either!


Only problem in my life right now is finding a job. I can't get one, ANYWHERE! I apply for like 30 different jobs a week without being picky and no one is willing to hire me. I have some modest experience but :( no one cares!


I hope everyone is doing really well :)
I missed you all!

It's 10pm and I'm sitting in bed wearing my panda pj's with my tears streaming down my face, sobbing.

It's my 19th birthday tomorrow, nothing special. The two people in the entire world that would subconciously know it will be my birthday and would never miss it aren't here. My poor daddy is up in heaven and I can't hear him wishing me a million happy birthdays, and my mother is in jail for his death probably looking up at the stars wishig me happy birthday and regrettig everything she has done.

Addicted

Thanks for everyones motivating comments!
It's inspired me to take a new perspective on everything.

So I have a bottle of water with me at all times! As soon as I get hungry I just chug that down. I had been stealing a few drags of my bfs smokes everytime I was hungry but after the last week that's been kinda addicting. So, trying to replace that before it gets out of my control.


Does anyone smoke? What are the pros and cons?

Intake so far:

1 slice of toast 80 cal
a shittonne of water!


Let's hope it stays that way for awhile.

Xxx